The One With the Juice Cleanse

Did you know that Friends first premiered twenty years ago this week? Twenty years. Two decades. Can you believe that? Could that be any longer ago? So, in honor of the Friendsaversery, I titled this blog post using the same method every of every episode title, except for two of them (“The Pilot” and “The Last One”).

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This Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, I decided to go on a juice cleanse. I know – they are dumb. Yes, you can say all the crap that they want you to think: it makes your skin look good, it detoxes your system blah blah blah. But let’s call it what it really is – a crash diet. So why did I do it?

Well, first off, I really wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Do people really survive off of just drinking fruit and veggie juice for three whole days? Secondly, I’ve been getting pretty lazy with my eating habits, and I wanted something intense to give me a swift kick in the pants. I have goals people, and I need to reach them.

A running buddy of mine said he did Squeezed Online, so I thought I’d check it out. Here are my thoughts:

  • Squeezed Online was super easy – you pick which package you want and what day you want to start and they send it to your house on the start day before 6 AM – in a cooler bag, no less.
  • The cost is outrageous. You get seven bottles per day, and I did a three-day cleanse for a total of $150. That comes out to $7 a bottle, give or take. You can get basically the same thing at Trader Joe’s for just $4. For those of you keeping track, that’s a savings of $66.
  • Some of the juices were good, a lot of them tasted like blown-out baby diapers. Needless to say, by day three I was getting pretty tired of drinking nasty tasting juice.
  • Poop. That’s all I will say on the matter. Poop.
  • I did the “athlete” package through Squeezed Online, so they gave me an extra bottle of almond milk to drink after working out. So I was still able to workout – I ran all three days (at least 3 miles each day), and I didn’t feel unsafe during the runs.
  • Still, I was pretty exhausted by day three. I had really low energy, and I was pretty hungry.
  • On the forth day when I woke up, I thought I was going to be ravenous. But I was really actually ok. And even after I had a normal lunch, it took me a while to get hungry again. So maybe it was worth it?
  • I lost 9.5 pounds in three days. Awesome? Yes. Unhealthy? Absolutely

So… should you do a juice cleanse? I could see it being worth it if you had an event in three days and needed to quickly drop 10 pounds. But as a long-term solution? Absolutely not. As soon as I was done, I wanted to eat all the chips and queso and drink all the margaritas I could get my hands on. The important thing is – I didn’t. Or I haven’t yet.

I intended on using this as a kick in the butt, to get myself back to eating right again. So far, it’s done just that.

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